i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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