Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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