The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
