he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
