She announced her abortion via fbk
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
