i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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