oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
