my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
