the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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