Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
