go do what you do best...puke behind churches
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
