did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize