i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
