There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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