At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
