i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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