my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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