Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
