We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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