Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Damn victory sex feels great
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
