She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
