no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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