Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
