It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize