the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We left the knife in your bed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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