Do you still have your period?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
