You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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