If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i may or may not be watching the land before time
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
