We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
