Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize