I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
