A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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