Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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