I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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