Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
