Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
