wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was like getting head from an anaconda
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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