Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize