I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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