if i can run in heels then i can drive
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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