I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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