The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
