can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
