Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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