So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
