"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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