my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
