I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
