So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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