YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
