Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
