just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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