I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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