I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
