I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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