Your mouth is God's brothel.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
