remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
