Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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