people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize