Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
