get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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