True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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