You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
