We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
