can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
