it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
