So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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