I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
