Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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