If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize