Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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