I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
