im drinking this country out of the recession.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
