Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
