My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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