As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
