eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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