i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
