god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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